tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post8810893171565763193..comments2023-09-08T02:16:04.707-07:00Comments on <br><br><br>Muskegon Critic: Fiction: SnowlessMuskegon Critichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00369039312882343162noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post-603704249483149382011-12-09T19:34:46.971-08:002011-12-09T19:34:46.971-08:00I love the connection you make between hearing the...I love the connection you make between hearing the doorbell and examining why the narrator is home, but I feel like, in such a short format, that the lengthly description of the physical bell and who might be ringing it distracts from the later events, which are the real meat of the story.<br /><br />Run on sentence there much? Sorry.<br /><br />Your dialogue is strong, and I like the son waiting in the pickup. That lends a less shady air to a random lawn-mowing solicitation on a December day.Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post-80743615943855312862011-12-09T18:33:20.552-08:002011-12-09T18:33:20.552-08:00Oh dear...there was a word limit? What's the w...Oh dear...there was a word limit? What's the word limit usually?Muskegon Critichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00369039312882343162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post-62604208655162181542011-12-09T18:07:26.758-08:002011-12-09T18:07:26.758-08:00I really felt the conflict within the main charact...I really felt the conflict within the main character, wanting to help but being in a rough financial position himself.<br /><br />You use a lot of rich, descriptive language, which is lovely to read, especially being from Michigan myself.<br /><br />I don't mean to be a pain, but this is way over the word limit for the prompt :)angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14974137283220034062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post-40690553472004641182011-12-09T12:55:06.782-08:002011-12-09T12:55:06.782-08:00A beautifully relevant Christmas tale in these try...A beautifully relevant Christmas tale in these trying times. I actually teared up when the snow began to fall, even though I knew it was coming! Nice job.<br /><br />By the way, you had me hooked from the beginning on a personal level with the broken doorbell! It seems like such a little thing, but it speaks volumes...NVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17267219296647761938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397295736719168796.post-21904009363939685562011-12-09T11:59:37.493-08:002011-12-09T11:59:37.493-08:00Oh, great story! You totally tugged at my heartstr...Oh, great story! You totally tugged at my heartstrings... I'm so glad it started snowing for that poor guy! I liked how you lead up to the door being answered-- a bit perturbed about the whole thing (the doorbell, the reminder of being home when you want to be at work, the reminder of being broke). But seeing someone else's plight makes you perceive things a bit differently. <br /><br />I also love the descriptive words. Especially-- "I opened the door to a cold, snowless day full of browns and naked trees and freeze dried greens of plants that kept the photosynthesis right up until the frost and dried into stasis." I don't live in the north but I could feel and see this view from the front door.Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15396590193590796633noreply@blogger.com